Must read : What drives men away and what attracts them ;

In fact, whether you see it or not, both men AND women have these uncertain and insecure feelings that get in their way. So the good news is that you’re not alone.

 

But the bad news is that lots of women who feel “helpless” in this way NEVER figure out what to do about it until it’s too late. By then the guy has already come to that critical moment where he has seen so much of your insecure thinking and behavior that he gets that “Eeeewwwww” feeling – you know, that feeling where you see something that’s so unappealing to you that you literally tighten up your body, your eyes, everything, and say or think “Eeeeewwwww”.

This “Eeeeewwwww” feeling changes everything. Once a man has this “Eeeewwww” feeling with a woman, there’s little or nothing she can do to try and bring back the passion and respect a man used to have for her.

And forget about him feeling ATTRACTION. A man’s “Eeeewwwww” is basically him feeling the OPPOSITE of attraction, where he literally wants to get away as quickly as possible.

What You DON’T Want To Do

The truth is that the most certain and complete way to drive a man away (and as far away as possible) is to become overly needy, clingy, and suspicious. Whether in private or in public.

I don’t just mean in what you SAY. I’m also talking about doing this just by what you FEEL.

One of the things I’ve talked about before is how once you believe something to be “true”, you tend to find proof of what it is that you believe all around you in the world.

For example, people used to believe that the world was flat… and when they did, there was proof everywhere that they found that made “sense” to them and supported their firm belief that the world was flat.

And even when someone came along and proved that the world was round, it took a long time for most people to start to accept this as “reality”.

The reason that I bring this up is because it sounds to me like you’re looking for an answer to a problem… when what you need is NOT an answer.

What You Need Is The Right BELIEF

So instead of trying to “fix” all the things that you think are the problem with you in your relationship, you should actually try to change what you believe and PREVENT these problems in the first place.

Following me here? Good.

I’m going to talk about how to prevent this problem first, then tell you a few things you can do when you run into it again in the future as well.

Here are two things to keep in mind:

1. As you might already know, men aren’t often the best in the world at giving emotional support and at nurturing. He might not recognize what’s really going on with you, or he might not know how to give you what you want, or it might even be that he is afraid of how you are acting and he doesn’t feel comfortable getting any closer to you.


2. expect that if a woman likes them, then the woman should feel good when she’s around him. I know it might sound simple, or even stupid, but if a woman is constantly stressed or worried or unhappy when she’s around a man, not only does he feel like he can’t make her happy, but he’ll want to spend LESS and LESS time around her.

So here are two ways to communicate with a man that will make him not only FEEL GOOD, but make him want to communicate with you and be around you more:

1. Figure out how to help men see and recognize what it is that you are looking for with them, without frustrating or confusing them even more.


2. Find out why it is that YOU are so chronically unsatisfied. Men want to be around women who make them FEEL GOOD. Telling him that he is constantly doing things WRONG just creates more ANXIETY.

Now, Let’s Tackle This First Approach…

To figure out how to help a man, you need to recognize what it is that you are looking for from him. So… you might have to work on figuring this out for yourself first.

My bet is that this isn’t the first relationship with a man where you’ve felt and acted this way… and your need to feel reassured and approved of by others in order to feel ok about yourself isn’t just a thing that comes up with men. You probably do this in other subtle ways with other people in your life, too – like with your friends and your family.

In other words, what you’re doing is a pattern of communicating in ALL your relationships. It just happens to be a higher-stakes and more emotionally intense situation when it comes to men, dating, and relationships.

The truth is, you need to learn how to communicate in a relationship with a man in a way that actually brings you closer together AND gets your needs met…

Sharing Your Feelings Fearlessly

You don’t want to keep “playing the games” that are pushing him further away from you. You CAN and need to share your feelings. You just haven’t learned HOW to share them in a way that ACTUALLY WORKS and has positive results with men in relationships.

And until you learn how to share your feelings, you’re never going to get away from that awful disconnected and isolated feeling where you fear telling the man in your life how you really feel inside.

Feeling this way is NOT a way to live in your relationship, and you know it. Even if your relationship went on, it would be destined to blow up because you wouldn’t have a voice and be appreciated for your feelings.

If you need to learn more about how to talk with a man and do it in a way that he will listen and RESPOND to, rather than withdraw from…

AND you want to learn how to understand HIM better, too…

 

Learn To Avoid Communication Mistakes That Make Him Run

If you’re insecure, scared, and uncertain, and you’re asking a man questions such as,

“How do you feel about me?”

Or…

“Where’s this going?”

Or…

“Are you serious about us?”

Then you’re making the kind of mistakes that are proven to make men become MORE RESISTANT to opening up, communicating, and committing for a secure and certain relationship.

In short, you need to learn how to communicate and behave with a man in a way that makes him feel, on a deep level, that you are the one he should be deeply committed to.

 

Are You “Fully There” With Your Man?

There might be a few other things you’re doing that make a man feel a little strange when he’s with you and around you (this is just a guess, as most people, men and women, have things they could improve when it comes to communicating).

Maybe you’re acting a little too “needy”, as you said. Maybe you’re acting too “helpless” and you’re waiting for him to tell you that everything is going to be ok and “save you”.

And maybe YOU are the one who isn’t “present” in your mind when you’re with him. Your mind is worrying about what happened in the past, or what’s going to happen in the future… and therefore you don’t do anything that makes things better and happen NOW.

Think about it.

Men expect women to be a kind of “emotional leader” in relationships. Women often bring a deeper and richer emotional aspect to a man’s life than he has anywhere else.

Remember, HE’S THE MAN. He’s the one who wants to feel good by winning a woman over and making her feel great. And when a man sees that you feel great, then he’ll feel great, too… and EVERYTHING ELSE will almost magically get easier.

Getting Yourself In The Best “Mindset” For Love

You need to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your thinking, behavior, and communication that make you see more of his behaviors and responses that scare you and make you feel and act even more needy and scared.

Help yourself by breaking that self-defeating and destructive cycle you are reinforcing for yourself.

And to answer your question “What can I do to relax and enjoy things?”…

My favorite thing that works in my own life, and works for LOTS of women I know, is the simple act of breathing.

Do me a favor right now:

I want you to sit up straight, notice your posture, pull your shoulders back, relax your neck and then slowly take a long deep breath in.

Keep breathing in until air fills your lungs. Once you fill your lungs with air, pause for a second. And now I want you to exhale slowly and deeply all the way out until all the air in your lungs has been pushed out.

Imagine all the feelings, tension, stress, and worry from your day being pushed out of you with the air that leaves your body. Relax your body even more as you breathe out.

Now I want you to breathe in and do this over two more times. Becoming more and more relaxed and clear-headed each time.

I’ll wait while you do it.

..

..

Ok. I know there’s no “magic answer” here, but my point is that if you are already aware of the emotions, feelings, and behaviors that are getting in your way, and you’re NOT DOING anything about it… then you need to change the way that you are DOING things… and not just what you’re thinking.

I can honestly say I’ve yet to meet someone, myself included, who has said or done something regrettable after those deep breaths – while they were in a calm, relaxed state.

Communicating With Him… The Easy Way

In the seminars I teach, we do several communication exercises that not only encourage the same type of “pause” and clarity that you might have just felt, but I get deep into the specific “How To’s” and “What to say when’s.”

Your emotional state and your choice of words say SO MUCH about you, and believe it or not, if you feel something, even though you don’t say it, men see it and sense it inside you.

If what you’re communicating “under the surface” in your emotions isn’t working together with your words to draw a man in and create ATTRACTION, then you’re going to get a lot of resistance… and a lot less understanding, connection, and affection.

 

 

source: Catchhimandkeephim

 

 

Must read : What drives men away and what attracts them ;